it's a love story {part 9}

It's been a long love story, so if you'd like to catch up, here are parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8! :)

Part Nine - The Twist in Our Story

Shortly after Russ and I said I love you to each other, we made things official. We had been dating exclusively for four or five weeks, and had been spending all of our time together, but we had both been hesitant to make anything official too quickly. 

But one day, he called me girlfriend. And after discussing it for about five seconds, he asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend, to which I responded, "I think I'd be okay with that ;)"

So even now, even with official boyfriend/girlfriend status (though not on Facebook--I think people should only be "in a relationship" on Facebook if they're like . . . almost engaged), I was writing to my missionary. (At least in theory. I hadn't actually written to him for a week or two, because it was getting harder and harder to keep talking to him without telling him that things were getting serious with someone else.)

And Russ was fine with it. Or rather, Russ accepted it. Until he talked to his mother.

Let me just say this: I absolutely love my mother-in-law. I could not have been more blessed when it comes to mother-in-laws. But this first experience with her was . . . less than ideal.

Basically, when Russ talked to his mom, she asked him how it was that he and I could be officially dating, while I was still kind of seeing someone else via letters. Though her points were definitely valid, I remember feeling like she didn't need to be a part of our decisions. Clearly, she was just looking out for her son, but it kind felt like she was accusing me of two-timing or something. Which, granted, I kind of was, but with their knowledge! Kind of messed up, but anyways, that's how I was feeling. [Sorry Momma Holmes! Don't worry--I'm definitely over this :)]

So Russ was talking with his mom, and I was talking with my boss. 

I had worked for the same woman for three or four years by this time, and I really liked her. She was very interested in what was going on in my life, because she had known me and my missionary when we were dating, and she had even met Russ by this point. So every so often, she'd ask me what I was thinking and how I was feeling. She knew very well that I was torn between two men. One night, around this time, she told me a story about her life.

She had dated this guy for a very long time when she was in her twenties. He was a great guy, nothing wrong with him. But for some reason or another, they broke up. Soon after, she started dating her husband. But then, they, too, broke up. She had the option of going back to guy #1, but in the end she felt like there was no first and second choice. There was only one person she wanted to be with. And even though she and guy #2 had broken up, that didn't mean she wanted to go back to guy #1. At that point in her life, it was guy #2 or nothing. And that's how things ended up--she stuck to her guns and married guy #2.

When she told me this story, I remember thinking that I didn't know who guy #1 and guy #2 were for me. I loved them equally and knew I could be happy with either one. I sometimes wished that one of them would end things with me so that my mind could be made up for me.

So with all these thoughts going around both of our heads, Russ told me about what his mom had said. He said that there were two options: we could be non-exclusive and I could keep writing my missionary, OR we could continue to be exclusive and I would need to stop writing to my missionary. But let me be clear, he never really asked me to stop writing my missionary. He just presented these two options as the only logical solutions to our predicament. 

And in that moment, I knew what I wanted. 

I told him that I didn't want him dating anyone else, so I was ready to give up my missionary in order to see what could truly happen with Russ.

Unfortunately, there was more to the story. 

Russ said that he had been feeling like something needed to change with our relationship. He had thought it was on my end, because of my missionary. But when I agreed to end things with my missionary, the feeling was still there for him. He realized that he was the one who needed a change.

He had run into a girl on campus with whom he'd been on one date (one date!) in the past. For some reason, he felt as though he needed to take her out again, to see if there was anything there. 

The tables had completely turned. I, who had previously been unsure about what decision I would make, was now completely sure of my decision to choose Russ. Russ, on the other hand, was now the confused one. He knew he was crazy about me, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he needed to take this other girl out.

So he broke up with me.

And I cried. I hadn't cried over a guy in years . . . I hadn't ever cared deeply enough about anyone (other than my missionary) I had dated in recent years to need to cry about the relationship ending. But I cried about this ending with Russ.

And in the moments following the break up, my thoughts weren't "Well, I guess I'll just keep writing my missionary." My thoughts were "I don't want anyone else. There is no second choice. Russ is my only choice, even if I can't have him."

I had finally made up my mind, only to be left with a broken heart . . .

To be continued! Come back next Wednesday for the final chapter in this section of my love story :)

**ashleynicole