parenthood

Parenthood. Such a mysterious calling, both before and during the process.

For those like me, with no kids, it's easy to say what great parents we'll be. We'll do this the same way our parents did it, we'll to this in a completely different way. But no matter what, we're gonna rock this parenting thing, because we know it all.

Okay, so I'm being a little dramatic. I don't really think I know it all, and I know that parenting is no picnic. I know that it's both the hardest thing I'll ever do, but also the most rewarding. But as a non-parent, it really is easy to imagine somehow being able to do the never-done-before and be that perfect parent. Parenthood is a mystery, so for now, I can imagine it any way I want. 

For those who do have kids, I think parenthood remains a mystery. Sure, you get experience as you go along and you figure out a bunch of things that do and don't work for your kids, or things that work for one child but not another. But no one is all-knowing, so it's impossible to know if you're ever doing the exact-best-thing that your child needs in that moment. 

This is on my mind because of the movie Russ and I watched this past weekend. I've seen it before, and remembered the gist of it, but now that I'm much older (I probably first saw it when I was around ten) I had a much different perspective. 

The movie we watched is called I am Sam. 

//spoilers below//

It's about a mentally handicapped man who is left to raise his brand-new baby girl. With the mental capacity of a seven-year-old, it is already difficult for him to raise her. But things get more complicated when she turns seven and starts getting smarter than him and noticing their differences. The whole movie is about the court case which involves him wanting to keep his daughter, but others thinking him incapable of raising someone who is already passing him in intelligence. 

The movie is told from the perspective of the handicapped man, Sam, which automatically leads viewers to side with him. Of course he deserves to have his daughter! He might need help, but he can still raise her! How dare these people try to take away his daughter! 

But I realized that if the movie had been told from the perspective of the foster mother who wanted to adopt Lucy, it would have been easy to side with her, instead. Of course Lucy deserves to grow up in a home with two loving parents who can teach her! Of course Lucy deserves parents who can easily provide her with all of the necessities of life! It's not her fault she was born to a handicapped father!

Sometimes it makes things tricky when you can see both perspectives. What is the right choice? Keep her with her biological father, or give her more opportunities and two parents?

Opposing counsel asks Sam a few things to try to gauge if he can be a good father (while assuming that he cannot, in fact, be a good father). 

He asks if Sam can multiply, which he cannot. But how many parents have to hire tutors to teach their kids things that they themselves don't remember or are incapable of teaching? My parents certainly didn't help me with calculus. And right now I tutor two different girls in math and Spanish, because the parents are unable to help them. Intelligent parent does not equate to good parent.

He asks how Sam will deal with teaching his daughter about puberty and sex. But what parent really feels completely confident and comfortable breaching these subjects with their kids? They're difficult things to talk about whether you're handicapped or not, and you'll probably never know if you said everything you should have said.

In the end, even the foster mother (who desperately wants to keep Lucy) concedes that the right place for Lucy to be is with her father.

Lucy loves Sam. And Sam loves Lucy. And really, I think that's what parenthood is all about: All you need is love. 

Yes, it helps if you can teach your children fundamental things.
Yes, it helps if you have enough money to easily provide for your children.
Yes, it helps if you read all sorts of books with all sorts of tips.
But in the end, children need love more than anything else.

So parenthood may be mysterious, and we may do all sorts of things wrong. But giving our future children love? I think we can manage that :)

What have you found challenging or rewarding about parenthood? What helps you deal with your imperfections as a parent?


**ashleynicole