truth.
Russ and I have been trying to get pregnant for 16 months now. 16 very long months. We've done one fertility test on Russ, which came back fine. I kind of refuse to believe there is anything wrong. Like, I know it obviously isn't as easy for us as many other couples, but I believe it's due to trying at the wrong time for a while (because I don't fit into the normal 28-day-cycle, therefore I do not ovulate around day 14 or anywhere near it), possibly due to me not eating super healthy all the time, possibly due to some sort of imbalance which is aided by my diabetes, possibly something I haven't even thought of. I honestly in my heart do not believe there is anything incurably wrong with me, I just haven't quite figured out how to tweak everything yet.
But anyway, now that the lowdown is all out there, here's what I really want to say: It's getting really hard to see baby announcements. I want to feel happy for people, because a baby is always a happy thing, but I just feel sad. Really, really sad.
It feels like no one else has to work for it. Like everyone else is just blessed with the happy ability to get pregnant as soon as they try.
I know this isn't true. I know some people have been trying without success for longer than we have, and I know that some people never ever get pregnant. And maybe the people who are announcing pregnancies had to wait a while, too.
But that's just what it feels like.
And it's especially hard to see everyone's monthly baby updates. Because I was trying when these people announced their pregnancies. And now they're doing 5, 6, and 7 month updates on their actual babies. In the time I've been trying to get pregnant, people have gone through an entire pregnancy and been enjoying their babies for 7 months.
It just kinda sucks. All of it :(
But anyway, now that the lowdown is all out there, here's what I really want to say: It's getting really hard to see baby announcements. I want to feel happy for people, because a baby is always a happy thing, but I just feel sad. Really, really sad.
It feels like no one else has to work for it. Like everyone else is just blessed with the happy ability to get pregnant as soon as they try.
I know this isn't true. I know some people have been trying without success for longer than we have, and I know that some people never ever get pregnant. And maybe the people who are announcing pregnancies had to wait a while, too.
But that's just what it feels like.
And it's especially hard to see everyone's monthly baby updates. Because I was trying when these people announced their pregnancies. And now they're doing 5, 6, and 7 month updates on their actual babies. In the time I've been trying to get pregnant, people have gone through an entire pregnancy and been enjoying their babies for 7 months.
It just kinda sucks. All of it :(
I am SO sorry! I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I really hope that your time comes soon! You will make a great mother, and that little baby waiting to join your family will be lucky to have you as its mama.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone is this hard trial. There are people like you all around whom have chosen to be silent in their pain and struggle. It is a very real hard struggle. I have been on this fun roller coaster for 5 years now.. people who started trying to have kids around the same time have 2-3 and i always wonder why its not me..
ReplyDeleteHave faith in the journey, trust in His timing and don't give up!
I'm so sorry :( it took us about that long for our little McKai to come and i know what you mean about all the monthly updates and bump updates. I hope your time comes soon!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry! My brother and his wife also struggled to get pregnant for three years. You guys will be in my thoughts and prayers :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Beka that is really sweet :)
DeleteI love your honesty and bravery for opening up like this. There are so many others like you who are facing the same battle. Everybody has different struggles for a reason. Obviously, I don't know what your reason is but I know your time to be a cute little mama will come. Hang in there, Sending a big hug your way xx
ReplyDeleteThank you Becky :)
DeleteIt really does suck and I'm sorry that you have to go through it. We're here for you guys though! We love you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mack :)
DeleteI love the raw emotion that comes with this post. Thanks for sharing. My husband and I are brand newlyweds, so we want to wait 3-5 years to have a baby for all sorts of reasons. But hearing things like what you shared make me realize that it really shouldn't totally be up to us. Thank you.
ReplyDeletexoxo,
Kayla @ watsonwonderland.blogspot.com
I'm sorry sorry to hear about this. I don't know you, but I can relate. Its difficult when you're taking that leap of faith and for whatever reason things are not working out. . I just had a miscarriage in September and my husband and I mostly feel confused about why it had to happen to us - I believe everything that happens in life happens so that we can learn something from it. But I'm just left asking what is it that we were supposed to learn?? I hope that answer comes soon. . . Anyways, thank you for sharing so honestly about meaningful things. It takes courage to talk about it.
ReplyDeleteAhh a miscarriage sounds unbearable; I am so so sorry for your loss :( Thank you for your kind words and for relating with me :)
DeleteHey!
ReplyDeleteI somehow, through sweeps of blogs, came across yours! I'm also LDS and dealing with infertility. It helps me so much to talk about it, I hope the same can be said for you.It's hard when you have your mind set on something that just hasn't happened yet. We have been at a reproductive endocrinologist for 6 months now and are trying more evasive procedures- so it's very, very difficult to see "we accidentally got pregnant" or "it happened the first month." Especially when we are blazing through money to get a negative!
Sorry this got so long, just wanted you to know that you are not alone! There are so many of us. And I know Heavenly Father does have some type of plan for us individually :)
Lacey
http://haphazardlacey.blogspot.com/