{finally pregnant}
February 1, 2016
Whatttttt theeeeee! I don't even know how to start this thing. I'm so used to being sad about not being pregnant, so actually being pregnant is something I don't know how to navigate!
In the weeks leading up to the test, a couple things happened. About one week after ovulating, my morning temperature jumped to a third level of highs. In the book that I read about infertility, that means pregnancy--if it continues. So I was a little bit devastated the next day when my temperature went back to a normal level of highs. I was positive that it was another failed month of trying. In the days that followed, I started getting all of my normal symptoms that I get leading up to another cycle: sore breasts, infrequent cramping, and moodiness. In fact, my angst and moodiness is what really made me think I wasn't pregnant. I always spend the two weeks before I start angry because I'm not sure if I'm pregnant and I'm convinced that I'm not.
Based on my observations of my cycle, I usually have a luteal phase of 14-15 days (luteal phase is the amount of time between ovulation and your next period). So on 14 DPO (days past ovulation), I stocked my purse with tampons because I was sure it was coming. When I took my temperature on 15 DPO, it was still high. It always drops the day that I start my period, so I knew that I probably wouldn't start that day. That was still normal; I had started on 16 DPO before. But I decided to take a test anyway.
And I saw the faintest line ever. I've taken so many negative tests, but at that moment I couldn't remember what negative tests looked like! Do they have super faint lines or are they totally blank? But I remembered reading and hearing about so many women who have super faint lines when they test and that super faint lines are always positive.
It's interesting though. I knew infertility would affect how I viewed things when I finally got pregnant, but I didn't realize all the ways it would affect me. I figured I'd feel super grateful about finally being pregnant, more grateful than if I'd gotten pregnant right away (not compared with other people, but compared with myself). But I didn't realize how unreal it would seem. I didn't realize that I'd see a positive test and not know if I could believe it was positive. It's weird to see a line but not feel any different than when I wasn't pregnant.
I especially didn't realize how it would affect Russ. When I saw the faint line, I got Russ out of bed to have him look at it. He wasn't convinced at all. He didn't even seem excited; I guess that's what happens when you get your hopes up month after month: sometimes it's too hard to get your hopes up again.
I just used a dollar store test, which claims that it can tell you on the day of your missed period, so I decided to run to Walmart to get a more high-tech test that could tell a few days before your missed period (even though it was only 0-1 days before my "missed period"). I got one that could tell up to 5 days early, thinking the line would definitely be dark enough at this point. However, it too showed only a very faint line, not anything suuuuper definite (probably due to the fact that I drank a ton of water to be able to pee again). So with two faint lines, Russ was still not convinced.
That was hard. It was hard to feel like it was a positive test when Russ wasn't sure. He wouldn't let himself be excited, and he was actually sort of sad that first day. Our long-awaited day had finally come, and he wasn't ready to be excited about it. Even when he was finally convinced it was real, he had a hard time being excited because he was just so scared something would go wrong.
He eventually came around, about a week after my initial pregnancy test. He still doesn't want to talk about all things baby all the time (like I do ;) ) but he will sometimes do it anyway because he loves me and he loves our teeny tiny little baby :)
**ashleynicole
Whatttttt theeeeee! I don't even know how to start this thing. I'm so used to being sad about not being pregnant, so actually being pregnant is something I don't know how to navigate!
In the weeks leading up to the test, a couple things happened. About one week after ovulating, my morning temperature jumped to a third level of highs. In the book that I read about infertility, that means pregnancy--if it continues. So I was a little bit devastated the next day when my temperature went back to a normal level of highs. I was positive that it was another failed month of trying. In the days that followed, I started getting all of my normal symptoms that I get leading up to another cycle: sore breasts, infrequent cramping, and moodiness. In fact, my angst and moodiness is what really made me think I wasn't pregnant. I always spend the two weeks before I start angry because I'm not sure if I'm pregnant and I'm convinced that I'm not.
Based on my observations of my cycle, I usually have a luteal phase of 14-15 days (luteal phase is the amount of time between ovulation and your next period). So on 14 DPO (days past ovulation), I stocked my purse with tampons because I was sure it was coming. When I took my temperature on 15 DPO, it was still high. It always drops the day that I start my period, so I knew that I probably wouldn't start that day. That was still normal; I had started on 16 DPO before. But I decided to take a test anyway.
And I saw the faintest line ever. I've taken so many negative tests, but at that moment I couldn't remember what negative tests looked like! Do they have super faint lines or are they totally blank? But I remembered reading and hearing about so many women who have super faint lines when they test and that super faint lines are always positive.
It's interesting though. I knew infertility would affect how I viewed things when I finally got pregnant, but I didn't realize all the ways it would affect me. I figured I'd feel super grateful about finally being pregnant, more grateful than if I'd gotten pregnant right away (not compared with other people, but compared with myself). But I didn't realize how unreal it would seem. I didn't realize that I'd see a positive test and not know if I could believe it was positive. It's weird to see a line but not feel any different than when I wasn't pregnant.
I especially didn't realize how it would affect Russ. When I saw the faint line, I got Russ out of bed to have him look at it. He wasn't convinced at all. He didn't even seem excited; I guess that's what happens when you get your hopes up month after month: sometimes it's too hard to get your hopes up again.
I just used a dollar store test, which claims that it can tell you on the day of your missed period, so I decided to run to Walmart to get a more high-tech test that could tell a few days before your missed period (even though it was only 0-1 days before my "missed period"). I got one that could tell up to 5 days early, thinking the line would definitely be dark enough at this point. However, it too showed only a very faint line, not anything suuuuper definite (probably due to the fact that I drank a ton of water to be able to pee again). So with two faint lines, Russ was still not convinced.
That was hard. It was hard to feel like it was a positive test when Russ wasn't sure. He wouldn't let himself be excited, and he was actually sort of sad that first day. Our long-awaited day had finally come, and he wasn't ready to be excited about it. Even when he was finally convinced it was real, he had a hard time being excited because he was just so scared something would go wrong.
He eventually came around, about a week after my initial pregnancy test. He still doesn't want to talk about all things baby all the time (like I do ;) ) but he will sometimes do it anyway because he loves me and he loves our teeny tiny little baby :)
I'm so darn excited for you! I think that with Spencer, I must have taken about 20 tests. I learned that the pink FR tests are WAY more accurate than blue dye tests, and that first faint positive...holy moly. This second pregnancy showed up way sooner than last time haha
ReplyDeleteAhhhh I loved reading this! I was so that way with not believing the pregnancy test with my first, and I was that way this time again. I just can't believe the tests until I take one that digitally says pregnant or not pregnant haha. With my first I think I took about 13 dollar store tests before I was finally like okay maybe I am pregnant, and every one of them was positive the whole time hahaha. I'm SO happy for you! :)
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