infertility, pregnancy, and social media
While Russ and I were trying to get pregnant, I read this amazing blog post written by Charlotte from Small & Trivial. I mostly just want to re-post it here, because I have all the same feelings. But I'll write it in my own words, though you should definitely visit her post because she's much more eloquent.
Russ and I tried to get pregnant for 19 months before we were finally successful. In the grand scheme of things, 19 months isn't all that long. But when everything is an unknown, 19 months can seem to be an eternity.
During that time, I saw countless announcements on Facebook and in blog posts about women who were expecting. For a little while, I was okay with it. I knew my time would come. But as the months kept passing by, it got harder and harder to see those announcements. I even wrote a whole blog post about how I hated seeing those announcements. I knew it wasn't nice, but I couldn't help but feel annoyed and angry. Why wasn't I having success? And then to see those same moms post an entire pregnancy, along with the first several months of their baby's life . . . it was killer. And man, people posting that they got pregnant their first month trying . . . it definitely felt unfair.
So I totally get it if you are someone who saw my pregnancy announcement and then wanted to chuck your phone/computer at a wall. I get it if you wanted to yell and scream and ask, "Why her, why not me?!" because I've been there. And I'm sorry. Nothing makes infertility feel much better.
And if you're reading this and feeling angry because you've been trying longer than 19 months, and 19 months sounds like child-play, I'm extra sorry. From my experience, each month is harder than the last, so I can only imagine how much harder it gets. I hope your time comes. And if you can't be happy for me right now, I totally get that. But I hope you can find happiness in something, because I definitely know about the overall air of unhappiness that can taint a life in this circumstance.
Even though I know the pain that comes from seeing others' pregnancy-related posts, I can't say I'm going to tone down my blog posts or Facebook posts for the benefit of others. I want to soak up every ounce of joy that this pregnancy holds for me, because I waited a long time for it, and I am happy about it.
But if you want to hide my posts, I understand. If you want to bad-mouth me to your husband because of my posts, I understand that, too. Infertility sucks. So you are definitely entitled to feel however it makes you feel. Just know that I'm wishing good things for your fertility regardless, whether I know you or not. Because I wouldn't ever wish infertility upon anyone else.
**ashleynicole
Russ and I tried to get pregnant for 19 months before we were finally successful. In the grand scheme of things, 19 months isn't all that long. But when everything is an unknown, 19 months can seem to be an eternity.
During that time, I saw countless announcements on Facebook and in blog posts about women who were expecting. For a little while, I was okay with it. I knew my time would come. But as the months kept passing by, it got harder and harder to see those announcements. I even wrote a whole blog post about how I hated seeing those announcements. I knew it wasn't nice, but I couldn't help but feel annoyed and angry. Why wasn't I having success? And then to see those same moms post an entire pregnancy, along with the first several months of their baby's life . . . it was killer. And man, people posting that they got pregnant their first month trying . . . it definitely felt unfair.
So I totally get it if you are someone who saw my pregnancy announcement and then wanted to chuck your phone/computer at a wall. I get it if you wanted to yell and scream and ask, "Why her, why not me?!" because I've been there. And I'm sorry. Nothing makes infertility feel much better.
And if you're reading this and feeling angry because you've been trying longer than 19 months, and 19 months sounds like child-play, I'm extra sorry. From my experience, each month is harder than the last, so I can only imagine how much harder it gets. I hope your time comes. And if you can't be happy for me right now, I totally get that. But I hope you can find happiness in something, because I definitely know about the overall air of unhappiness that can taint a life in this circumstance.
Even though I know the pain that comes from seeing others' pregnancy-related posts, I can't say I'm going to tone down my blog posts or Facebook posts for the benefit of others. I want to soak up every ounce of joy that this pregnancy holds for me, because I waited a long time for it, and I am happy about it.
But if you want to hide my posts, I understand. If you want to bad-mouth me to your husband because of my posts, I understand that, too. Infertility sucks. So you are definitely entitled to feel however it makes you feel. Just know that I'm wishing good things for your fertility regardless, whether I know you or not. Because I wouldn't ever wish infertility upon anyone else.
I'm really glad that you posted this! I'm one of those people who were lucky enough to get pregnant after the first month of trying...and I honestly felt awful about it! I mean, obviously, soooo excited, but I felt guilty when I knew so many people try for much longer and some are never able to have children. I don't know why that happens and why it's takes some people longer than others, but I love how you pointed out to find happiness in SOMETHING. Everyone goes through different trials, baby related or not, and I think that's key to remember in every circumstance.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm rambling...basically I appreciate this post and I am SO incredibly excited for you and your husband xx
Aww! Even though I have definitely been frustrated by people who got pregnant right away, it makes me sad to hear that you felt guilty about it! Because that doesn't seem right either--people shouldn't feel guilty about something that is so happy for them. Haha now I feel guilty for feeling upset by it, so thanks for the perspective ;)
DeleteAnd thanks! :) We're obviously quite excited, ourselves! ;)
No no don't feel guilty! I think it's just a sensitive topic in general, yknow? We all have different kind of trials and struggles and it's hard to not compare our trials to someone elses...at least it is for me.
DeleteAnyway, so happy for you guys!!!
Its definitely so hard when you are struggling with infertility and see all those announcements. Fortunately for me so far it hasn't been too bad, but I suffer from endometriosis and my doctor told me my chances of getting pregnant the older I get will get slimmer and slimmer. So while I jump for joy when I get pregnant, I also hold my breath knowing that one day I'll be in this position... Because I know that right now, I may be lucky, but it's like a ticking time bomb. But your time has come! Celebrate! Babies are amazing!!
ReplyDelete