worth it

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I was reading in my book this weekend about how media and advertisements are aimed at single, unhappy people. Not that that's specifically what they say to themselves when they're making the advertisements, and not that consumers see themselves as only single and unhappy, but that's indirectly what it's all about. This is because advertisements are all over telling you to "Buy this; it will make you happy! It will bring you the fulfillment you desire!"

Maybe it's true, maybe it's not, but the logic made sense to me.

Along that same line, she was saying that happy married couples are advertisers' worst enemies, because they are already fulfilled and content, so they don't buy into "needing" all the things. As a result, advertisements are often trying to break couples up. The advertisements try to convince you that marriage is dull, and the excitement in life comes from always searching for something new--even going so far as to convince you that new partners or additional partners is better.

Now she did a better job of explaining all this, so if you want a better idea about what she was talking about, go read chapter five. But I'm just using those thoughts as a foundation for what I really want to write about today.

Sometimes in movies, books, or in real life, people say that they've just lost that "spark" with their spouse. And they have a real problem with that. They yearn for the early days of their relationships, and since they can't get those days back, they sometimes decide to move on--time to find a new spark with a new partner. That's what all advertisements are saying will bring you happiness, right?

It's true that those two stages--marriage and the beginning of a new relationship--are different, but it's also true that they both have their merits.

I sometimes say that I wish I could get married over and over again, but always to Russ. Falling in love, feeling inseparable, planning a wedding, life, and future together--those are all exciting and fun things, and sometimes it sounds nice to experience that again.

On the flip side, being married is so comfortable. So safe, secure, and stable. It's great knowing that you always have someone who is looking out for you, someone you can trust and confide in. Maybe it's not always exciting and new and fun, but it's constant and it's good.

When you read the previous two paragraphs, it really looks like new love is great, and marriage is boring. No wonder some people are so willing to give up the idea of long-term relationships in order to pursue something quick and easy and exciting.

But gosh. I sure wish those kinds of people knew what they were giving up. Marriage is the most rewarding thing I've experienced in my life so far. Sure, it takes work sometimes. We don't always agree. We each think some things are so important that the other person thinks are kind of ridiculous. And the giant bonfire of passion that was present in early dating and engagement may have simmered down to hot coals.

But not agreeing helps you broaden your views and see things differently; it helps you be more willing to change. And supporting something because it's important to your spouse helps you develop more love for them and more understanding about who they are. And while there may not be a constant bonfire anymore, hot coals can start a bonfire anytime.

Marriage may require you to give a few things up--complete independence, bad habits, selfishness. But what you get in return--love, a bond, a forever best friend--well, I think it is more than worth it :)

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