sleeping and scheduling nightmares -- help!
Our first month of having Ada at home was stressful as heck for me. I found it ridiculously overwhelming to try and figure out what she needed and when. Was she getting enough sleep? Was she eating enough? etc. I had heard of On Becoming Babywise before having Ada, but I never got around to reading it before she was born. Big mistake! I highly recommend to all expectant mamas to read that book before giving birth so you can implement its principles from day 1; maybe then things will work out for you!
I, however, didn't start reading it until Ada was around 6 weeks old. It talks about establishing a schedule of feed, play, sleep, repeat, in 2.5-3.5 hour cycles at first, and 3.5-4 hour cycles as they get a bit older (like 2 months). It claims that if you stick to this schedule, your baby will be happy and sleeping through the night by 7-12 weeks -- even if they're breastfeeding. As I read it, I was totally on board -- knowing what she needed and when based on an established schedule would be so helpful! But so far I've found it impossible to implement for more than a few days.
Here's the issue: She only takes 30 minute naps. She took amazing 2 to 2.5 hour naps for one week, and then reverted to her tiny naps. And she can only stay awake for an hour and a half, maybe two hours. This means her cycles are a maximum of 2.5 hours, but as an 11 week baby, she does not need to be eating every 2.5 hours, so I'm still feeding her only every 3.5 hours, but it gets all complicated since her cycles are not all the same pattern and duration. (To clarify, I do not expect her to be able to stay awake longer than she currently is -- 1.5-2 hours of wake time is fine for her age. I do, however, think she should be able to sleep longer than 30 minutes in order to complete the 3-4 hour cycle.)
And lately, she seems fussier, which could be because she's got sleep debt, or possibly because she has tummy issues -- which I can't figure out whether or not she does. She seems to be eating less lately -- only 3 ounces at each feeding -- and sometimes still spitting up when she eats that much.
But she could be taking such short naps because she sleeps long at night -- she gets 10-12 hours that are interrupted with two feedings (10:30pm & 4:30am) that she often sleeps through. But I don't know how to give her less sleep at night because another book I'm reading, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, talks about the importance of early bedtimes, but how can you have an early bedtime without having a baby that sleeps 12 hours? Her current bedtime is 7-7:30pm, so I feel like that's early enough, but I don't want to cut her night sleep time so that she wakes at 5:30am in order to get better naps.
Everything I've read about lengthening naps says that your baby needs to be able to self-soothe. From what I can tell, that means if you rock your baby to sleep every time, or nurse to sleep, or basically put your baby completely asleep with your assistance, they will not know how to self-soothe, and therefore, when they wake after one sleep cycle (about 30 minutes), they will not know how to soothe themselves back into another sleep cycle.
But here's the deal -- WE DON'T DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS! We put Ada down "drowsy but awake" just like I've read all over, and she falls asleep on her own. Goes down great, in fact. So why on earth can't she connect sleep cycles?
Oh and just a reminder, she is bottle-fed, not breastfed, so she's not waking up early due to hunger unless it's a currently undiagnosed tummy issue, because she has access to more food than she ever takes at each feeding.
It also isn't sleep regression because her crap naps have been going on for about 4 weeks now. At first I thought it was due to a growth spurt, but it has just continued. I can sometimes get her to extend naps by giving her a pacifier after she wakes after a single cycle, which tells me she really does want the sleep, just can't connect the cycles :(
Any suggestions? And I'm going to be honest here, if your only suggestions are "she's a baby and babies are un-schedulable/unpredictable/all different" . . . well, I don't entirely believe that. I know plenty of people for whom the Babywise scheduling thing worked great, and I'm totally on board with the Babywise idea that parents should be in control of their children (while following cues) because obviously a baby does not have the maturity to plan out her life. (If that sounds harsh to you, sorry . . . maybe read Babywise and you'll feel differently?) Other advice that is not really helpful -- "just go with the flow" and "stop stressing!" Yes, if I could do that, I most certainly would, but that's like telling a person with depression, "Just be happy!" It's obviously a struggle to get to that point for them, and it's a struggle for me to just go with the flow and stop stressing in this case.
Basically, I'm not very good at taking advice. I feel like I only want advice that specifically applies to my baby, which is hard for other people to give since their babies are not my baby. And yet, I need help! But basically my biggest question in all of this is how do you teach a baby to connect sleep cycles when they already know how to self-soothe? Is it just an age thing? Is she too young to do that? One thing I read says yes, other things say no . . . it's hard when everyone has an opinion and every opinion is different.
Help. Please.
I, however, didn't start reading it until Ada was around 6 weeks old. It talks about establishing a schedule of feed, play, sleep, repeat, in 2.5-3.5 hour cycles at first, and 3.5-4 hour cycles as they get a bit older (like 2 months). It claims that if you stick to this schedule, your baby will be happy and sleeping through the night by 7-12 weeks -- even if they're breastfeeding. As I read it, I was totally on board -- knowing what she needed and when based on an established schedule would be so helpful! But so far I've found it impossible to implement for more than a few days.
Here's the issue: She only takes 30 minute naps. She took amazing 2 to 2.5 hour naps for one week, and then reverted to her tiny naps. And she can only stay awake for an hour and a half, maybe two hours. This means her cycles are a maximum of 2.5 hours, but as an 11 week baby, she does not need to be eating every 2.5 hours, so I'm still feeding her only every 3.5 hours, but it gets all complicated since her cycles are not all the same pattern and duration. (To clarify, I do not expect her to be able to stay awake longer than she currently is -- 1.5-2 hours of wake time is fine for her age. I do, however, think she should be able to sleep longer than 30 minutes in order to complete the 3-4 hour cycle.)
And lately, she seems fussier, which could be because she's got sleep debt, or possibly because she has tummy issues -- which I can't figure out whether or not she does. She seems to be eating less lately -- only 3 ounces at each feeding -- and sometimes still spitting up when she eats that much.
But she could be taking such short naps because she sleeps long at night -- she gets 10-12 hours that are interrupted with two feedings (10:30pm & 4:30am) that she often sleeps through. But I don't know how to give her less sleep at night because another book I'm reading, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, talks about the importance of early bedtimes, but how can you have an early bedtime without having a baby that sleeps 12 hours? Her current bedtime is 7-7:30pm, so I feel like that's early enough, but I don't want to cut her night sleep time so that she wakes at 5:30am in order to get better naps.
Everything I've read about lengthening naps says that your baby needs to be able to self-soothe. From what I can tell, that means if you rock your baby to sleep every time, or nurse to sleep, or basically put your baby completely asleep with your assistance, they will not know how to self-soothe, and therefore, when they wake after one sleep cycle (about 30 minutes), they will not know how to soothe themselves back into another sleep cycle.
But here's the deal -- WE DON'T DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS! We put Ada down "drowsy but awake" just like I've read all over, and she falls asleep on her own. Goes down great, in fact. So why on earth can't she connect sleep cycles?
Oh and just a reminder, she is bottle-fed, not breastfed, so she's not waking up early due to hunger unless it's a currently undiagnosed tummy issue, because she has access to more food than she ever takes at each feeding.
It also isn't sleep regression because her crap naps have been going on for about 4 weeks now. At first I thought it was due to a growth spurt, but it has just continued. I can sometimes get her to extend naps by giving her a pacifier after she wakes after a single cycle, which tells me she really does want the sleep, just can't connect the cycles :(
Any suggestions? And I'm going to be honest here, if your only suggestions are "she's a baby and babies are un-schedulable/unpredictable/all different" . . . well, I don't entirely believe that. I know plenty of people for whom the Babywise scheduling thing worked great, and I'm totally on board with the Babywise idea that parents should be in control of their children (while following cues) because obviously a baby does not have the maturity to plan out her life. (If that sounds harsh to you, sorry . . . maybe read Babywise and you'll feel differently?) Other advice that is not really helpful -- "just go with the flow" and "stop stressing!" Yes, if I could do that, I most certainly would, but that's like telling a person with depression, "Just be happy!" It's obviously a struggle to get to that point for them, and it's a struggle for me to just go with the flow and stop stressing in this case.
Basically, I'm not very good at taking advice. I feel like I only want advice that specifically applies to my baby, which is hard for other people to give since their babies are not my baby. And yet, I need help! But basically my biggest question in all of this is how do you teach a baby to connect sleep cycles when they already know how to self-soothe? Is it just an age thing? Is she too young to do that? One thing I read says yes, other things say no . . . it's hard when everyone has an opinion and every opinion is different.
Help. Please.
**ashleynicole
I'm only preparing for a baby and haven't had real experience so far. From what I have learnt I lean towards "She is a baby." Of course Babywise will work for some babies. But that doesn't mean it will work for every baby, maybe not for yours.
ReplyDeleteMy theoretical advice would be to stop reading books and listen to your intuition. For example, if she sleeps well at night and naps good though short during the day, what is your impression? Does she feel unwell that way? If not, why bother with schedules NOW?
I did the babywise schedule with my oldest and she did so great! However, I did give her a binkie to sleep with and that definitely played a big part in the long naps. I know that it says they need to be able to self sooth but she was falling asleep just fine! She was just waking up too quickly!
ReplyDeleteSo when she would wake up from her little cat nap I wouldn't get her out of bed, instead I would give her a binkie and after a few minutes she would go back to sleep. But only if I got it to her while she was still drowsy - not completely awake yet.
Ruby wouldn't take the binkie at first so for her it helped to just let her stay in her bed for an extra 5-10 minutes after she had woken up from a short nap. It helped her fall back to sleep. It's hard to listen to them cry for that long! But it worked. And after a while she started taking good long naps.
Now I'm trying it with Travis but he is having a much harder time with the eating part! This kid wants to eat like all day long! But we are only at 6 weeks so I'm certain he will start to get the hang of it soon.
I hope this was at all helpful! It hard to get the hang of everything - and every baby is different so you have to go through it every time! Good luck girl!!
I say dump all the books and pray for inspiration. Heavenly Father knows her better than anyone. Keep her routine of morning bath, playing feeding and then sleeping. Maybe you need to change formula. The formula might be tough on her tummy if she's spitting up so much.
ReplyDelete