singing dreams

What do you want to be when you grow up?

When I was really little, like five years old, I wanted to be a princess when I grew up. I mean, who didn't, right?

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Now that I'm old (aka 22), I mostly just want to be a mom, with perhaps some magazine editing or freelance design on the side.

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But somewhere in the middle of those two dreams, I wanted to be a singer/songwriter.

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It started in fifth grade. I really don't know what brought it up, but my friend Briana showed me some songs she had written (just lyrics with a tune, no actual instruments yet). I was intrigued. I listened to music, and like all 10-year-olds, I wanted a rockstar life. But I never actually thought that happened to real people. But for some reason, Briana's songs gave me the idea that we could do something big.

So we started a band. I started writing songs, and she continued writing songs, and we recruited our other friends Kaylee and Elayna to join the band. We were going to be called the Final Four, which I thought was pretty awesome. I put together a mock-up of a CD insert, complete with little bios about ourselves and what kinds of pictures would be included. We also all had different names, because we anticipated that we'd be so big, we'd have to have alter egos [and this was before Hannah Montana, so we're pretty original ;)]. It was fun to think about and plan for, but then I moved two states away. We kind of kept the band going for a while, but it eventually fizzled out.

I continued to write songs, getting better, but still mostly pathetic. I tried to write about love and heartbreak, but what did I know about those things at ten years old except what I had heard in other songs?

Then I met Andraya in my dance class. She shared my love of singing, so we joined forces to try and start a new band: Double A. [Did we not come up with the coolest band names ever? ;)] Again, we looked for people to add to the mix who could possibly bring some instruments to the scene. That never really worked out, but Andraya and I did record about ten of our songs on a tape [which, by the way, I made Russ listen to a few weeks ago when I found it. Haha apparently my songwriting really hadn't improved, because he found it a little ridiculous :)] I don't know what happened with that band, but it didn't last long either.

But I kept writing. I was getting older, so I could write a little bit more about love and heartbreak, but it was still superficial. I had my first kiss, so I wrote about that. That kid cheated the same day (but I found out later), so I wrote about that. I started adding piano chords to my songs, thanks to some help from my friend Marcela, so that made songwriting even more cool and fun. The last song I wrote was about my first love. I started the song when we were dating but didn't get to finish it until after we broke up the first time (we were off and on for over two years). And then I guess I got too busy living life, and actually looking for love and heartbreak, that I stopped writing.

I no longer dream about being a singer/songwriter or a rockstar, but I do have a lot of love experience now. Maybe I'll make a comeback with one more song about the kid who has my whole heart forever :) (aka, Russ)

Stay tuned in the next few days (or let's be honest, it could be weeks at the blogging rate I've been going at lately) for an evolution of my songs. If nothing else, it will be some good entertainment of what I thought were awesome songs at the time ;)

What about you? Were you ever really invested in something that you ended up giving up? What did you give it up for? Are you happy with that choice? :)