birthday epiphany


As I've started my own family, I've thought a lot about traditions. What are things that I want my family to do to celebrate various holidays and occasions? As I've thought about it, I've often gone to Pinterest to see what ideas are out there.

When it comes to birthdays, I've seen that some people celebrate "birthday week" or even "birthday month." In the past when I've seen these things (because the Pinterest scrolling I'm talking about took place years ago), I've thought, "How great! That would be so awesome to be celebrated for a whole week!"

I thought that again as I watched the stories of an Instagrammer that I follow, when she said that on each day of "birthday week," the birthday kid gets one present and there is one fun activity. However, my recent experiences with planning Russ's birthday and some Insta stories (that I saw the very same day as the above stories!) from Fun, Cheap, or Free gave me an epiphany when it comes to birthday planning. Jordan (from Fun, Cheap, or Free) was explaining that for birthdays, they do a little getaway with mom, dad, and the birthday kid, and the birthday kid gets to choose where they eat for dinner, along with an activity to do together.

Sounds simple enough, but here was the key for me: the birthday kid has to/gets to choose.

I totally want to celebrate my family members on their birthdays. But I think it can quickly get overwhelming when you're the mom and you have to plan 5 people's birthdays (in the future) throughout the year, and especially if you put stress on yourself to make it a great day/week for them, when in all reality, you can't make anyone feel anything -- they're in control of themselves! For instance, maybe (again, a few years from now) I decide that for Ada's birthday, we'll go bowling as a family. Only we get there and Ada is bummed the whole time because, wouldn't you know it, she's not really a fan of bowling! So even though I planned something "fun," it wasn't fun for the birthday kid, and not only is she feeling bummed, but then I could also easily decide to beat myself up for "ruining" Ada's birthday.

Not only that, but I think if I planned out a full week of fun activities for my kids for birthdays, I'd actually be setting them up for disappointment in the future. What if they get married and their spouse thinks that is overkill and they don't want to continue the tradition? Then my now-grown kids might feel like they're unloved or not worth the effort, and birthdays might even become a source of pain for them.

But by inviting my kids (and Russ and myself!) to take part in the celebration planning, I'm teaching them to take ownership of their birthdays and I'm giving them tools for the future! So now when they get married, instead of expecting or even asking their spouse to plan 7 days of fun for them, they can say, "Hey spouse! My birthday is coming up! I would like to eat at the Cheesecake Factory and then I would like to get together with some friends and play laser tag." Now their spouse knows exactly what to do, and they aren't left to be mind readers.

As I briefly mentioned above, this was something that was difficult about planning Russ's birthday. I asked him for ideas starting a month ahead of time, but he didn't know what he wanted to do. Then when I planned something for him, although he enjoyed it, he felt like it was more a party for me . . . because guess what? I know how to plan parties for me! I definitely tried to gear things more to Russ, but he didn't give me concrete information to go off of. And I don't blame him for that, because I have the very same problem when it comes to my own birthday -- I never know what I want to do.

SO. Russ and I are going to practice and get better at that, but we're going to start training our kids NOW to take ownership of their birthdays and make it a great day. Like I said, I totally want to celebrate my loved ones on their birthdays -- but I want them to give me the roadmap to help make it an awesome day for them.

What do you think about taking ownership of your own birthday, or about having your kids take ownership of theirs? How do you celebrate birthdays at your house?


Comments

  1. i absolutely LOVE this idea and i think you really nailed it on the head!! when it comes to birthdays, anniversary, valentines day, etc! ask people what they want, and tell them what YOU want! i know a lot of girls i am friends with have said they don't like birthdays and anniversaries, and i think it's because they have been let down in the past. but if you just TELL your husband what you expect or what you want, then you probably won't be let down anymore.

    i don't think celebrations have to be surprises or huge expectations - it's about showing the people we love that they are important to us and we want to celebrate them. i love the idea of letting your kids plan it, too. that's so straightforward and it does put the responsibility on them to enjoy what they have planned and have a good time. for my husband's birthday last fall, he wanted to watch football and eat steak. i was SO bummed because that is such a boring celebration in my mind! but we did what he wanted and he was happy and felt loved and that's all that matters.

    i love that you're thinking of these things already and that birthdays are important to you! i think they should be important to everyone. it's such a beautiful gift to be able to celebrate the people we love and i think we should take every chance imaginable to do it. anyway, clearly i have a lot to say about celebrating. i love this (and your birthday party for russ looked SO FUN!)

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  2. I looooove birthdays (or any holiday, big or small!) and celebrating them to the fullest! I love this.

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