a rambling rant
Normally I don't really like to rant on the blog, or on Facebook, or any social media, really. Ranting isn't attractive and it doesn't draw people to you; ranting is annoying and useless. But today, all I have are rants, and I've been trying to keep them off the blog, but I just need to let it all out and write it all down. And usually, I post my blog links to Facebook, but I won't do that for this one, because this rant is more for me than for anyone else, so if you happen to be reading this, I won't blame you if you stop right now. In fact, you probably should, just so your opinion of me doesn't go down.
Rant part 1:
You know those annoying MLM demonstrations? Where they're always wanting you to buy something, host a party, or become a demonstrator? Yeah, I hate them, too. Everyone does. How they survive so well, I don't even know because everyone hates them so much. But one thing I especially hate about them is that they always convince me I need that stuff in my life. That doesn't mean I always buy the stuff, but I always wish I could.
So my mom hosted a party for one of them last week, and I went, and I liked the products. They're cleaning products that only require water to work (rather than like windex or soft scrub etc.) and rather than wiping the germs and gross-ness all around, the cloths kind of suck the germs and gross-ness up into them. As I write it, it sounds like a total crock, but call me crazy, I believe it. So I want the products. And I think everyone should want the products because they're awesome. And so at the end of the party, I signed up to host one as well.
What was I thinking? Even as I was debating hosting, the demonstrator told me that it's good to have about 10 people at a party. I replied, "I don't think I even have 10 friends . . . "
Rant part 2:
In some ways, life is so much better when you're a kid, or even in high school. You have your group of friends, and friends are really sort of everything in your life at the time. Then you get married, and your focus becomes your spouse. And I'm not saying you can't have friends when you're married, I'm just saying the dynamic is different. You no longer see your best friend as often, because your best friend has been replaced by a new best friend--your spouse. And I wouldn't trade that. I love being married, and I love that Russ is my best friend. But I really miss having lots of friends.
Russ is an introvert, and I am an extrovert. I love to be around people, but he doesn't, and especially after working with people all day long, he needs to relax and recharge at home without more people. And I understand that. But it has definitely affected how many friends we have. Not to mention the fact that we've been students and/or working the whole time we've been married, so life is just busy and it's hard to carve out time for friends.
But then I think, I used to put so much effort into trying to make friends, and it kind of worked, but there were still so many times when I felt like it was one-sided. Like why do I always have to be the one to invite people to do things? And I know I'm blowing things out of proportion because I know we have friends who have invited us to do things as well, but lately, it has not felt that way. We've invited people, but people are always too busy to do something with us.
And maybe it's just that I see things differently than some people. Like, because we are older and lives are busier, I still consider people good friends even when I haven't seen them in several months, but maybe to them, the friendship has diminished because we haven't seen each other. Idk.
Back to rant part 1:
So because of the above rant, I wasn't even sure I had 10 friends I could invite, but to my surprise, when I started a FB message, I added like 30 people. And I wasn't just adding randomly--I added people that I genuinely feel like they are my friends. A few people I added because I felt like they might like the products and we're good enough friends that I could invite them. But all in all, I would say 90% of them are people I consider close friends, even if I haven't seen them in ages. (Like seriously, I haven't seen one of my friends since last summer, but somehow I still feel like she's one of my best friends. If the feeling is mutual, idk.) AKA, 90% of them are people whose MLM parties I would go to, even if I wasn't interested in the product, just because I like them.
And do you know what happened? Out of 30, I got one "maybe." (And that was from one of the 10%!) The rest either didn't respond or said they couldn't come.
And maybe they had legitimate reasons. Many voiced their specific reasons of why they couldn't come. But I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of rejection. I almost feel like people are just super glad that they have other plans so they don't have to feel too bad about saying no.
In fact, I forgot to add one friend to the FB email, so I texted her. And I started with "What do you have going on on Tuesday night?" to which she responded "Nothing! :)" Then, over the course of texting, she said, "Actually I do have something," which was a legitimate something that she had forgotten about, but also something that you can totally skip. You're not required to be there. But she was anxious to have an excuse to not come.
These are supposed to be my friends. And if nothing else, I liked the excuse to get to see them. But of course, it was an MLM demo, so who would want to come to that anyway? Especially when money is tight because they're students or whatever. And especially when the product is cleaning products because who would get excited about buying cleaning supplies anyway? So really, I understand why so many people said no.
But that doesn't change how sucky I've felt ever since the no's started coming in. It makes me want to stop trying altogether to make any friends, because what's the point if they won't actually be friends? If they won't come support me in something I'm doing? And most people probably don't even see it that way--supporting me. You support someone by going to their dance concert or choir concert or soccer game or whatever. Going to their MLM party isn't supporting them, it's supporting the MLM. Yeah, I guess I can see that that's maybe what they're thinking. But it still feels crappy.
Bleh. This party is turning out to be like one of the worst things ever in my life. That sounds like I'm blowing it out of proportion, but seriously. Nearly 30 rejections has just been almost too much for me to handle. I've already been feeling like I don't have any friends (before any of this happened), and then this just kind of solidified it for me.
If you made it through all of that and you're feeling sympathetic toward my sadness rather than judgmental of my ridiculousness (because don't worry, I recognize that I'm being ridiculous), do me a favor and make me feel better? Thanks.
Rant part 1:
You know those annoying MLM demonstrations? Where they're always wanting you to buy something, host a party, or become a demonstrator? Yeah, I hate them, too. Everyone does. How they survive so well, I don't even know because everyone hates them so much. But one thing I especially hate about them is that they always convince me I need that stuff in my life. That doesn't mean I always buy the stuff, but I always wish I could.
So my mom hosted a party for one of them last week, and I went, and I liked the products. They're cleaning products that only require water to work (rather than like windex or soft scrub etc.) and rather than wiping the germs and gross-ness all around, the cloths kind of suck the germs and gross-ness up into them. As I write it, it sounds like a total crock, but call me crazy, I believe it. So I want the products. And I think everyone should want the products because they're awesome. And so at the end of the party, I signed up to host one as well.
What was I thinking? Even as I was debating hosting, the demonstrator told me that it's good to have about 10 people at a party. I replied, "I don't think I even have 10 friends . . . "
Rant part 2:
In some ways, life is so much better when you're a kid, or even in high school. You have your group of friends, and friends are really sort of everything in your life at the time. Then you get married, and your focus becomes your spouse. And I'm not saying you can't have friends when you're married, I'm just saying the dynamic is different. You no longer see your best friend as often, because your best friend has been replaced by a new best friend--your spouse. And I wouldn't trade that. I love being married, and I love that Russ is my best friend. But I really miss having lots of friends.
Russ is an introvert, and I am an extrovert. I love to be around people, but he doesn't, and especially after working with people all day long, he needs to relax and recharge at home without more people. And I understand that. But it has definitely affected how many friends we have. Not to mention the fact that we've been students and/or working the whole time we've been married, so life is just busy and it's hard to carve out time for friends.
But then I think, I used to put so much effort into trying to make friends, and it kind of worked, but there were still so many times when I felt like it was one-sided. Like why do I always have to be the one to invite people to do things? And I know I'm blowing things out of proportion because I know we have friends who have invited us to do things as well, but lately, it has not felt that way. We've invited people, but people are always too busy to do something with us.
And maybe it's just that I see things differently than some people. Like, because we are older and lives are busier, I still consider people good friends even when I haven't seen them in several months, but maybe to them, the friendship has diminished because we haven't seen each other. Idk.
Back to rant part 1:
So because of the above rant, I wasn't even sure I had 10 friends I could invite, but to my surprise, when I started a FB message, I added like 30 people. And I wasn't just adding randomly--I added people that I genuinely feel like they are my friends. A few people I added because I felt like they might like the products and we're good enough friends that I could invite them. But all in all, I would say 90% of them are people I consider close friends, even if I haven't seen them in ages. (Like seriously, I haven't seen one of my friends since last summer, but somehow I still feel like she's one of my best friends. If the feeling is mutual, idk.) AKA, 90% of them are people whose MLM parties I would go to, even if I wasn't interested in the product, just because I like them.
And do you know what happened? Out of 30, I got one "maybe." (And that was from one of the 10%!) The rest either didn't respond or said they couldn't come.
And maybe they had legitimate reasons. Many voiced their specific reasons of why they couldn't come. But I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of rejection. I almost feel like people are just super glad that they have other plans so they don't have to feel too bad about saying no.
In fact, I forgot to add one friend to the FB email, so I texted her. And I started with "What do you have going on on Tuesday night?" to which she responded "Nothing! :)" Then, over the course of texting, she said, "Actually I do have something," which was a legitimate something that she had forgotten about, but also something that you can totally skip. You're not required to be there. But she was anxious to have an excuse to not come.
These are supposed to be my friends. And if nothing else, I liked the excuse to get to see them. But of course, it was an MLM demo, so who would want to come to that anyway? Especially when money is tight because they're students or whatever. And especially when the product is cleaning products because who would get excited about buying cleaning supplies anyway? So really, I understand why so many people said no.
But that doesn't change how sucky I've felt ever since the no's started coming in. It makes me want to stop trying altogether to make any friends, because what's the point if they won't actually be friends? If they won't come support me in something I'm doing? And most people probably don't even see it that way--supporting me. You support someone by going to their dance concert or choir concert or soccer game or whatever. Going to their MLM party isn't supporting them, it's supporting the MLM. Yeah, I guess I can see that that's maybe what they're thinking. But it still feels crappy.
Bleh. This party is turning out to be like one of the worst things ever in my life. That sounds like I'm blowing it out of proportion, but seriously. Nearly 30 rejections has just been almost too much for me to handle. I've already been feeling like I don't have any friends (before any of this happened), and then this just kind of solidified it for me.
If you made it through all of that and you're feeling sympathetic toward my sadness rather than judgmental of my ridiculousness (because don't worry, I recognize that I'm being ridiculous), do me a favor and make me feel better? Thanks.
Oh, Ashley, I get it. In fact, the timing of this post is eery, since just last night I had a complete blubbering breakdown to Jared about the same thing. One of those, "Why-do-we-live-here-and-why-is-our-summer-less-than-a-month-and-i-only-get-to-see-our-families-and-i-have-no-friends-here" sob fests. They don't happen often anymore, but when they hit, they hit hard. There are well over a hundred girls on this island whose husbands go to med school, so they have literally nothing to do all day but play with friends. Of those girls, there are about 30 in the branch down here, and we should have a lot in common. But yesterday we went to this branch party thing, and everyone was all talking and laughing and best friends, and it hit me that I have put myself out there time and time again, and STILL I haven't really connected with anyone. And at this point maybe it's my fault because after a few months of that I kind of gave up. But I felt, so, rejected I guess. Like a failure? It's the loneliest feeling in the world to have no family around, no close friends around, and a husband who is in an extremely committed relationship with his schooling. I wish I could offer you words of "it will get better!" But for now, I only have words of "I know how you feel." I like to think it's a stage-of-life thing. And hey, when I come home next month I WILL find an afternoon to come see you, because if I don't get some interaction with real friends in, my head will explode :) You are such a fun person--I don't know what those Facebook friends are thinking, opting out of party time with Ashley. Crazies.
ReplyDeleteI hear you on this, girl. I really, truly do. One of the most mortifying experiences of my life happened this past year when two friends in Utah threw me a baby shower because I lived there for 5 years and so many "friends" live there...and nobody showed up. Nobody. It was the hostess, my mother in law and myself. Just remember this - to every season, there is a time, and this is just that in between time, you know? My husband and I still don't have a ton of close married friends, but we're working to branch out...try new couples ;) they're more fun!
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