happiness in marriage

I saw this quote on Pinterest the other day:

And it made me so mad. Mad someone said it, and even more mad that someone made it into a pinnable quote. Why? Because it's a TERRIBLE message that no one should be spreading.

It's basically saying that you have zero say in the happiness of your marriage. It's all up to your spouse -- so they better be doing everything in their power to make you feel important! 

When in fact, the exact opposite is true. Your happiness in marriage is 100% dependent upon YOU. How do you think about your spouse? Are you constantly thinking about their weaknesses or their strengths? Are you noticing all the things they don't do for you, or all the things that they do? Are you thinking about everything you wish they were, or are you admiring them for what they actually are?

Your thoughts determine how you feel. Since love is a feeling, your thoughts determine whether you'll feel love or resentment. So what are your thoughts focused on? Because they will determine your happiness in your marriage.

Now I'm not saying you should adjust your attitude about your marriage if your husband is beating you -- I totally advocate getting out of unhealthy marriages. 

But I think people these days are way too quick to say their marriage is unhealthy; a lot of people aren't willing to do the work that it can take to change a bad marriage to a good one. 

And a lot of people stand by the adage "it takes two to tango," but in fact, you can probably do a lot of fixing in your marriage even if you're the only one willing to work at it. Sounds kind of counter-intuitive, but it's true. As you change your thoughts and actions, the whole marriage might change for you. Your spouse may not change at all, but if you change the way you view their actions, the result could be a completely different marriage. (For more on this idea, listen to this podcast episode. And the whole series, really, because it's amazing.)

Anyway, this post is mostly a rant because that quote really did make me mad. Although you should look for a spouse that will treat you well, your happiness in marriage is NOT dependent on your spouse; it is dependent on your attitude in the marriage. Don't expect your spouse to create your happiness -- they simply don't have that kind of power.