holly's birth story

It's kind of different going through an entire pregnancy actually knowing when it will all end. With Ada, we got to plan the C-section, but only the day before it actually happened. With Holly, we went into it from the very beginning basically planning to have a C-section 10 days early, just like we did with Ada. As a result, the days and even weeks leading up to birth were filled with checking off final things from my to-do list because I knew my exact deadline. It also made the last night before Holly's birth less stressful than the last night before Ada's birth. I remember with Ada, Russ and I were kind of on edge with each other the night before because we knew so much change was coming but we also felt kind of rushed to get everything done before Ada got here. With Holly, Russ and I were calm and productive the night before. We got most everything done (other than a few last-minute things we'd need to pack in the morning), and then we even chatted in bed for a little bit before going to sleep. Holly really made herself known in the night with a lot of big movements and/or Braxton Hicks and/or actual contractions. She just felt so big and I was ready to get her out :)

On Holly's birth day, I tried to sleep in (til 7), but I couldn't. I woke up around 6:20 and my mind just started working on all the things I had to do that morning -- finish up packing, touch up hair, do make-up, feed Ada, get Ada to preschool, etc. -- so I got up to get started. I felt mostly calm, as I really didn't have that much to do, but I just wanted the time to pass faster so we could get things going!

Finally, we got the car loaded up and dropped Ada off at preschool before heading to the hospital. When you have a planned C-section, rather than an "oh my gosh I'm having this baby right now!" labor scenario, there's no reason to be dropped off in the usual drop-off spot. There's also no close parking to that door, which meant we had a somewhat long walk from our parking spot to L&D, and I'm pretty sure I was contracting while we were walking because HOLY COW! Holly just felt especially huge and hard and heavy. It's difficult carrying around such a huge baby!

When we got up to L&D, we filled out some paperwork before being taken back to a delivery room. I still felt all good and calm, mostly just excited! Once in the room, I had Russ take one last bump picture of me before I changed into a hospital gown. Russ laughed at me when I bent over and accidentally flashed my bum at him 😂 Then I was self-conscious because nobody wants to show that off! 😂 So after that, I made sure to hold the gown closed whenever necessary before I made it into the bed. While we waited, I took some instastories letting people know how things were going.

The nurse came in and asked me a bunch of questions while she took my vitals and hooked me up to some baby monitors. We talked about the things I wanted for my birth plan, which were pretty simple: clear drape for the C-section, as much skin-to-skin as possible -- including all possible tests/measurements, avoid formula if possible, and delay bath at least 12 hours. I had been planning and prepping to have a more successful breastfeeding experience this time around, and most of these requests were to foster that.

Next, a woman came in asking if we wanted to be part of a study involving a blood clotting medication -- the medication is already used to help with clotting, but the study was about giving it beforehand to see if it helped prevent hemorrhaging. You got a box of diapers for participating, so I went ahead and said yes since it didn't sound risky. The downside to saying yes was that there was another person around to ask me questions throughout my birthing experience (while in my room and also in the OR later on). It just kinda seemed like I never had a down minute!

When it came time for the IV, I wasn't excited. I remember feeling like the IV was the worst part with Ada, and it was basically true this time! My nurse tried to stick me two different times, both incredibly painful, before getting a supervisor to try. The third time was also painful, but at least it stuck.

Around this time, the nurse told me she was going to start me on some medications, and that one of them might make me feel a little anxious because it makes the heart beat more quickly. I don't really feel like I connected the dots until later, but I truly did start to feel anxious shortly after getting the medication! And of course, I layered my emotions and felt anxious about being anxious. I started thinking about all the things that could go wrong, and even just about how recovery from a C-section is hard and I felt kinda like, "I don't want to do this anymore! Let's just come back another day!" but then I also knew that wasn't an option, and delivery had to happen eventually, along with everything that goes with it. I cried a few tears, and I just wanted someone to take it all away from me. Russ, who had been sitting in a nearby chair, came over to me to hold my hand and be close to me. His presence did comfort me, although I still felt anxious.

My C-section was originally scheduled for noon, then got moved to 11:30am, and then when I was actually at the hospital, the time was a bit up in the air due to the possibility of another mama needing an emergency C-section. In the end, I was actually moved even earlier, and the nurse said I'd go in about 11am, possibly even earlier. But I actually wasn't taken to the OR until like 11:10/11:15am.

We walked to the OR, and a nurse gave me a blanket to wrap around me so I didn't have to flash my bum to anyone else. How thoughtful! 😂 The OR was COLD and I immediately started shivering. Russ came with me this time (with Ada, he hadn't come in the same time I did), but he felt far away. I think he was sitting on a chair off to the side. I wished he were right by my side.

I saw the delivery table and didn't remember it being so small! But I sat down on it and the anesthesiologist started working on me. First he gave me something (can't remember what) that he said was going to sting for 10-15 seconds and that it was the worst part. It did sting, and it was unpleasant, but I'd say not as unpleasant as those IVs! Next he gave me a spinal -- which is apparently different from an epidural, which is what I thought I got last time, but I think I got a spinal last time as well. After the spinal, I couldn't stop shivering/shaking! I wasn't sure if I was cold or if my reactions were due to the spinal. I laid down and the anesthesiologist laid warm blankets over my chest and arms. That was nice, but I still felt like I was shaking, and I still felt a lot of nerves. My chest felt heavy, like I couldn't breathe, which he had said might happen. I wasn't a fan!

Then Russ came over by me and the doctors hung up the sheet over my chest -- it wasn't clear! I panicked a bit because I had wanted a clear sheet, but I think I felt like it was too late. However, I said I wanted a clear sheet, and then I think Russ said it louder and with more authority -- he was my advocate :) Luckily, the blue sheet and the clear sheet were back-to-back, so they just had to remove the blue sheet part. Butttttt I was bummed to find out that I really couldn't see anything. I could see the doctors' heads and that's about it. I wanted to see Holly come out!

As a result of not being able to see, I felt very out of the loop, so I kept having to ask Russ what was happening. I could feel that the nurses/doctors were rubbing something all over my belly and legs, and at one point I heard Dr. Gourley say, "Why isn't X done? If X isn't done, we can't do this C-section today." So I kind of panicked again thinking, "PLEASE, let's just do this!" I'm not sure exactly what was going on (because I can't remember what "X" was 😂), but soon enough, the doctors started cutting me open!

I can't remember anything they talked about this time except that they were guessing the weight. Dr. Gourley guessed 10 pounds 6 ounces. I never voiced a final weight, but I think I was thinking she'd be somewhere in the lower 10-pound range -- like 10 pounds 3 ounces or 10 pounds 6 ounces.

Throughout the surgery, I was wearing an oxygen cannula. It seemed so itchy to me, but it was actually just the anesthesia. It wasn't like an overwhelming itch, just an itch that I could NOT satisfy. This itchiness continued (all over my body) for the next 24 hours.

Overall, the surgery part seemed so quick! Soon enough, I heard Miss Holly cry! I'm pretty sure my first question to Russ was about what color her hair was -- and he told me it was dark like Ada's.

Very shortly after she came out, I heard the doctors saying stuff about her cord being wrapped around her neck or a bowel movement or something that sounded reminiscent of my own birth -- I was a little nervous about that, but she cried quickly and they seemed to take care of it quickly.

I don't think I got to see her right away -- I think they whisked her away for some examinations and to weigh her -- 10 pounds, 4 ounces! And Russ seemed to disappear as well, so I guess he left with Holly. I closed my eyes for a minute while I waited for the doctors to put me back together.

When they came back, the nurses and Russ brought her right over to my face so that we were cheek to cheek. She seemed so calm near me, and I think she was already rooting a little bit toward my face. I remember feeling like she knew I was her mama. I felt so connected!! It was truly such a special moment, and I'm so happy a nurse encouraged Russ to take a picture. I love that our perfect moment was captured 😍


Next, I was lifted and placed on a hospital bed, where I was then wheeled back to my L&D room. I could hear Ada and my mom, but I didn't see them right away. I was happy to hear Ada's voice and I wanted to give my Ada girl a big hug! I just felt so much love for both of my girls!!

I felt much more lucid in the aftermath of the surgery than I did with Ada -- with Ada, I remember feeling so groggy/sleepy/sluggish for several hours following the surgery, but with Holly, I felt like I was much more awake. I still look pretty out of it in many of the pictures and videos of the time though, so maybe I wasn't as lucid as I thought!

I wanted as much skin-to-skin time as possible, so Holly was soon laid on my chest and almost immediately started breastfeeding. She sucked so good and she just kept going! She really seemed to know what she was doing, which was so exciting to me!

It was just Mom, Ada, Russ, Holly, me, and our photographer/videographer in the room for quite a long time, so everything felt like it was alright. There were no doctors scurrying around with scary diagnoses; it was pretty much just our cute family! I loved all the tender moments between each person, and again, I just felt so grateful for all of them! I was so, so happy to finally have Holly here with us 💕

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