on finishing OTH the second time, and having all the feels about it.

The beginning of this post (between the ***) was written after I finished OTH the first time, circa December 2015. After the *** was written today, after finishing OTH a second time

* * * * *

Guys. I'm feeling pretty devastated. Today I finished the last episode of One Tree Hill.

It sounds dumb to be devastated about a TV show, but TV really gets to me! I feel this way every time I finish a TV show, I think. But this one really got to me more than usual, I think.

Part of the reason is that it's a really great show. It's overly dramatic like all teen dramas, but it also has these overarching themes of people trying to find themselves and people trying to do the right thing. Those are the kinds of themes that get ya right in the heart. And it's hard to say goodbye to people you've spent so much time with and people you've grown to love. And it's maybe harder to admit to yourself that those people aren't even real; they're just characters you've allowed yourself to grow close to.

The other reason I'm sad about it is a little more complicated. Recently I've been thinking about pictures, videos, tv shows, and movies. I've been feeling like they're just not accurate depictions of real life. Now obviously I've always known that TV shows and movies turn up the drama in a way that doesn't actually happen in most people's lives, but that's not even what I mean when I say "accurate depictions." Let me try to explain . . .

I recently saw a picture on my Instagram feed. It is a girl that I know personally, not just because she's an Instagram sensation or anything. She currently lives in New York with her husband and two kids, and that's about all I know about her these days. In the picture, she's exploring Boston. She's about eight months pregnant. She's wearing a trendy hat and standing in front of a brick wall with an arched doorway. One moment of her life: captured. And do you know what I thought when I saw this picture? Something along the lines of, "What a fabulous life!"

Isn't that crazy? I saw ONE MOMENT and felt like I caught a glimpse of her whole life.

Now before I go on, I have to say that I don't think social media is bad, and I definitely don't think it's bad to post all of your good/happy/exciting/wonderful moments for the world to see. That's not my point. My point is that those individual moments, and even a collection of captured moments, don't really paint an accurate picture (no pun intended) of real life.

Which is not to say that her life isn't actually wonderful and fabulous and glamorous, it's just to say that life is, well . . . longer than an individual captured moment.

Movies usually condense at least two weeks' worth of activity into two hours. TV shows pack a year into every season. But real life? It takes two weeks to fit two weeks' worth of activity in, and a whole year to pack in a whole year. And the moments that are shaved out of tv or movies to make them more exciting and more fast paced? Well in real life, those moments can't get shaved off.

So let's bring it back to One Tree Hill and why I feel sad about it: I'm a little bit jealous. I'm jealous that in a TV show or a movie, every single moment counts. Everything is meaningful, because in order for something to make it into the TV show or movie, it has to be. It has to move the plot along; it has to develop the characters and their relationships. I see these people and everything that is wonderful about their relationships and their friendships. I see their hard moments and how they learn and grow from those, too. And I feel jealous because I think in real life, we seldom notice the really big defining moments. Or maybe we don't even have very many big ones, we just have a lot of little ones along the way and so when we get to the end of a journey, we don't know exactly how we got there.

* * * * *

I just finished One Tree Hill for the second time. I braced myself for all the feelings I knew I would feel in the final episodes. And again, I just felt overwhelmed with emotions. Happiness at the wonderful people they all turned out to be, sadness that they're not real, sadness that the show is over, sadness that Netflix is removing the show and now other people won't be able to discover it . . . and desire to make my life like that. Not the dramatic parts, not the glamorous parts -- but the love part. The characters just love each other so much! They would do anything for their spouse/friend/child. I want to feel that kind of love for the people in my life. I want to love that deeply. And I want to treasure every moment I have with those I love.

I don't really know what to do with this post. It's basically just a bunch of feelings thrown out there and I'm trying to make sense of them. So if you're a OTH fan, or if you feel the same way about any of this, feel free to reach out and commiserate with me. I'll just be over here crying all day haha :)

And just a few quotes from the final episode:

"It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re 17 and planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.”


"What you do matters."



"Make a wish and place it in your heart. 
Anything you want. 
Everything you want. 
Do you have it? 
Good. 
Now believe it can come true. 
You never know where the next miracle’s gonna come from. 
The next memory. The next smile. The next wish come true. 
But if you believe that it’s right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it, you might just get the thing you’re wishing for. 
The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. 
So make your wish. 
Do you have it? 
Good. 
Now believe in it. 
With all your heart."

😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭