my battle with breastfeeding
It was always my plan to breastfeed Ada. I knew that some people had certain issues with breastfeeding, but I didn't realize how many different issues there can be! Tongue-tie, lip-tie, problems latching, problems sucking hard enough, low milk supply . . . and those are just the ones I'm now familiar with -- there might be more that I don't know about!
Even when Ada was put in the NICU and started taking bottles supplementally, I still breastfed her at every feeding I went to, and it was always my plan to transition her to exclusive breastfeeding as soon as I could after bringing her home.
However, my big baby required a lot of milk, and I was not making as much as she required. So even after she came home, I was still supplementing her with formula. While doing this, I tried to boost my milk supply by taking fenugreek and pumping frequently. I was also still breastfeeding at every feeding. That meant my days pretty much looked like this: breastfeed, bottle feed, pump, repeat. I was wearing thin, and I was anxious to transition her to breastfeeding only.
I met with a family friend who used to be a labor and delivery nurse to try and figure out what I could do. She watched me breastfeed and assured me that Ada was sucking correctly and that she was getting milk. However, it was still unclear as to how much milk Ada was getting from me.
I tried a few things to make the transition. First, I tried eliminating the supplemental formula at every other feeding in hopes that Ada would get hungry sooner, breastfeed, and thus boost my milk supply. This was a total fail, and in retrospect, I never should have tried it. I was feeding her anywhere from 60-120 mL from a bottle at each feeding, so cutting out every other supplemental feeding resulted in a dehydrated girl who was not getting enough nutrients. I felt so bad! I read (after trying this) that you should only cut down supplemental feedings by one ounce TOTAL every two days. So 30 mL cut out, rather than like 200. Also during this trial, I breastfed Ada at every opportunity to boost supply. However, the problem with this was that she would tire from the hard work of breastfeeding since she was used to the easiness of bottle feeding. She was too tired to get enough to eat.
Once I ruled out that method, I tried putting her on a 2-hour schedule so that I would both breastfeed and pump once every two hours, again to try to boost milk supply. I still supplemented her, but in smaller, even quantities. Instead of the variable feeding I'd been doing before, I gave her just enough so that she'd wake after only an hour to eat again because she was hungry. I did this for several days, and it was exhausting. During this time, I got really concerned about how much milk she was getting from me. I knew how much I was pumping, but I didn't know how much she was actually extracting with breastfeeding. I really wanted to weigh her before and after breastfeeds so that I could figure out how much she was getting, but that was a process. In the end, Russ built me an attachment for our food scale so that I could weigh Ada. This let me know that she wasn't getting a significant amount of milk from me -- usually less than 30 mL total. Between knowing that and knowing how much I was getting pumping, I realized that I was still just not making enough to fulfill Ada's needs. I also think that she just wasn't working hard enough to get milk from me based on how aggressively she would take a bottle to how lazily she would take milk from the breast.
After this whole process -- 4 weeks of killing myself trying to make more milk -- and a lot of tears, I finally decided when Ada was 6 weeks old that breastfeeding just wasn't going to work out this time.
When I tell people I've given up breastfeeding, they usually jump to saying something to ease any guilt I might feel for not breastfeeding since many say "breast is best." However, my reasoning for wanting to breastfeed was not really based on the idea that breastmilk is better for babies. I'm sure breastmilk is great for babies (I mean, obviously), but plenty of babies survive just fine on formula. So it was never a guilt thing for me -- it was a convenience thing. I didn't want to spend money on formula if I could make milk for free. I didn't want to wash bottles if I could avoid it. I also didn't want to wash pumping supplies. But unfortunately, the whole breastfeeding thing just wasn't in the cards for this baby. So now I am still pumping so that she gets some breastmilk (both for health benefits and to offset costs), but she's only getting it from a bottle. And while I hope to breastfeed future babies, I am loving the lack of stress that entered my life the day I gave up breastfeeding. I now know exactly how much food my baby is getting and I don't have to worry that she's not getting enough.
Even when Ada was put in the NICU and started taking bottles supplementally, I still breastfed her at every feeding I went to, and it was always my plan to transition her to exclusive breastfeeding as soon as I could after bringing her home.
However, my big baby required a lot of milk, and I was not making as much as she required. So even after she came home, I was still supplementing her with formula. While doing this, I tried to boost my milk supply by taking fenugreek and pumping frequently. I was also still breastfeeding at every feeding. That meant my days pretty much looked like this: breastfeed, bottle feed, pump, repeat. I was wearing thin, and I was anxious to transition her to breastfeeding only.
I met with a family friend who used to be a labor and delivery nurse to try and figure out what I could do. She watched me breastfeed and assured me that Ada was sucking correctly and that she was getting milk. However, it was still unclear as to how much milk Ada was getting from me.
I tried a few things to make the transition. First, I tried eliminating the supplemental formula at every other feeding in hopes that Ada would get hungry sooner, breastfeed, and thus boost my milk supply. This was a total fail, and in retrospect, I never should have tried it. I was feeding her anywhere from 60-120 mL from a bottle at each feeding, so cutting out every other supplemental feeding resulted in a dehydrated girl who was not getting enough nutrients. I felt so bad! I read (after trying this) that you should only cut down supplemental feedings by one ounce TOTAL every two days. So 30 mL cut out, rather than like 200. Also during this trial, I breastfed Ada at every opportunity to boost supply. However, the problem with this was that she would tire from the hard work of breastfeeding since she was used to the easiness of bottle feeding. She was too tired to get enough to eat.
Once I ruled out that method, I tried putting her on a 2-hour schedule so that I would both breastfeed and pump once every two hours, again to try to boost milk supply. I still supplemented her, but in smaller, even quantities. Instead of the variable feeding I'd been doing before, I gave her just enough so that she'd wake after only an hour to eat again because she was hungry. I did this for several days, and it was exhausting. During this time, I got really concerned about how much milk she was getting from me. I knew how much I was pumping, but I didn't know how much she was actually extracting with breastfeeding. I really wanted to weigh her before and after breastfeeds so that I could figure out how much she was getting, but that was a process. In the end, Russ built me an attachment for our food scale so that I could weigh Ada. This let me know that she wasn't getting a significant amount of milk from me -- usually less than 30 mL total. Between knowing that and knowing how much I was getting pumping, I realized that I was still just not making enough to fulfill Ada's needs. I also think that she just wasn't working hard enough to get milk from me based on how aggressively she would take a bottle to how lazily she would take milk from the breast.
After this whole process -- 4 weeks of killing myself trying to make more milk -- and a lot of tears, I finally decided when Ada was 6 weeks old that breastfeeding just wasn't going to work out this time.
When I tell people I've given up breastfeeding, they usually jump to saying something to ease any guilt I might feel for not breastfeeding since many say "breast is best." However, my reasoning for wanting to breastfeed was not really based on the idea that breastmilk is better for babies. I'm sure breastmilk is great for babies (I mean, obviously), but plenty of babies survive just fine on formula. So it was never a guilt thing for me -- it was a convenience thing. I didn't want to spend money on formula if I could make milk for free. I didn't want to wash bottles if I could avoid it. I also didn't want to wash pumping supplies. But unfortunately, the whole breastfeeding thing just wasn't in the cards for this baby. So now I am still pumping so that she gets some breastmilk (both for health benefits and to offset costs), but she's only getting it from a bottle. And while I hope to breastfeed future babies, I am loving the lack of stress that entered my life the day I gave up breastfeeding. I now know exactly how much food my baby is getting and I don't have to worry that she's not getting enough.
**ashleynicole
Eli-breast milk only, Rory-breast milk only until 5 months when we had to start supplementing with formula, Jill-formula only, Norah-only breast milk from a bottle until 9-ish months (I stopped pumping when our chest freezer was full so she got a few extra months from that.) Every baby is different. Turns out most of my babies were not efficient nursers but I am a champion pumper. I would easily get 20+ oz when I pumped first thing in the morning, but it was a while on the 2 hour pump schedule before that happened. I remember driving from UT to OR for a family vacation, pumping in the front seat under a blanket. Good times �� It all works out and she'll be just fine!
ReplyDeleteAshley, never doubt your decision. Breastfeeding is an extreme undertaking - even in the best of circumstances. I breastfed Spencer 9 months before he weaned himself. Porter and I struggled from the start. He's lactose intolerant, and he had the worst reflux. Plus, I was struggling with PPD and extreme anxiety, and I needed meds. My sweet baby and I made the decision together to snuggle and enjoy those moments together - with a bottle of formula. It does not make you any less of a mother <3
ReplyDeleteBreastfeeding is so hard! There are so many problems that come with it. I produced plenty for my first but she was allergic to it... and I thought, what did I do wrong that my baby is allergic to my breastmilk?? Just remember FED is best. Do what's best for you health and your baby. Your baby needs to eat and her being fed is whats best! I haven't had many issues feeding my second. So you might not have any issues with your next. And if you do, hey that's okay too!
ReplyDelete