rushley & crew

So obviously, it took Russ and I a while to get pregnant. But after giving all the credit to God for our little miracle, I give all the credit to the book,  Taking Charge of Your Fertility . If you struggle with infertility, I cannot recommend this book highly enough. And actually, if you're a woman, I cannot recommend this book highly enough. The book is not a miracle worker, so if there is something seriously wrong, it can't make things happen for you. BUT the book does teach you how to know your own body, which is helpful whether or not you are capable of getting pregnant. And whereas most gynecologists will tell you to try for a year before you come in to talk about infertility, if you chart, you can know within about 3 months if you need to talk about infertility, and you can bring evidence into your doctor to tell them why you want to get started with infertility stuff right away. I'm one of those people who never ever tracked a period before trying to get pregnan...

While Russ and I were trying to get pregnant , I read this amazing blog post written by Charlotte from Small & Trivial. I mostly just want to re-post it here, because I have all the same feelings. But I'll write it in my own words, though you should definitely visit her post because she's much more eloquent. Russ and I tried to get pregnant for 19 months before we were finally successful. In the grand scheme of things, 19 months isn't all that long. But when everything is an unknown, 19 months can seem to be an eternity. During that time, I saw countless announcements on Facebook and in blog posts about women who were expecting. For a little while, I was okay with it. I knew my time would come. But as the months kept passing by, it got harder and harder to see those announcements. I even wrote a whole blog post about how I hated seeing those announcements. I knew it wasn't nice, but I couldn't help but feel annoyed and angry. Why wasn't I having succes...

Russ and I have been trying to get pregnant for 16 months now. 16 very long months. We've done one fertility test on Russ, which came back fine. I kind of refuse to believe there is anything wrong. Like, I know it obviously isn't as easy for us as many other couples, but I believe it's due to trying at the wrong time for a while (because I don't fit into the normal 28-day-cycle, therefore I do not ovulate around day 14 or anywhere near it), possibly due to me not eating super healthy all the time, possibly due to some sort of imbalance which is aided by my diabetes, possibly something I haven't even thought of. I honestly in my heart do not believe there is anything incurably wrong with me, I just haven't quite figured out how to tweak everything yet. But anyway, now that the lowdown is all out there, here's what I really want to say: It's getting really hard to see baby announcements. I want to feel happy for people, because a baby is always a happy t...

If you happen to stalk my 23 before 23 list (I know I do . . . I gotta remember everything I still have to do in just 3 short months!!) , you may have noticed 3. Make a baby. Well, folks, the reason I haven't written about it yet is not for lack of trying to make it happen. I went off birth control (a birth control which was supposed to have no effect on my ability to get pregnant afterward) in June 2014 and so far, no baby. It was shortly after we went of birth control that I posted about my fear of infertility . I remember thinking I am going to sound so dumb if I come back in 3 weeks and say, well I guess that fear had no basis! I'm pregnant!  But I wasn't pregnant 3 weeks later, or even 3 months later. Then we kind of took a break from September until the end of December because my family planned a really exciting trip for June 2015 (for which I cannot be more than 24 weeks pregnant) . . . we didn't go on any sort of birth control again, but we just didn'...

Lately I've been thinking about one of my deepest fears. It's a fear I've had since I was at least 16, but it's become a more pronounced fear recently because of the timing in my life. It's not necessarily a justified fear, but it's not necessarily an unjustified fear, either. This fear's justifiability is something only time will tell. I'm afraid I won't be able to have babies. I have always wanted to be a mom. I used to tell my parents I wasn't going to go to college because I just wanted to be a mom (I was quite young when I said that). I've named and renamed my future children over and over since I was five or younger. Even as I've studied in college, my end goal has never been to have a super professional career; my end goal is to be the best mother I can be, a mother who loves, nurtures, and teaches her children well. The prospect that I might not get that terrifies me. I've heard too many stories about infertile women, an...